Marriage is one of those cherished, milestone life events, filled with love, hope and optimism. And then there’s the wedding - the stuff of fairy tales and happy endings. But after the flowers have wilted and the last gifts unwrapped, how many of us truly reflect on the significance of our wedding vow - in sickness and in health?
While the vow’s essence is about enduring love and commitment, it can only be truly honoured if we fully understand what matters to our partner. If a catastrophic medical event occurred where life-saving treatment meant your partner would never communicate again, how confidently could you make that decision for them?
Meet Quevy and John
Quevy and John are among a minority of couples that have seriously considered this proposition, long before reaching retirement age.
They’re busy professionals with two young kids and a teenager, but they’ve made time to think about the unthinkable. They’ve discussed and provided instructions to each other about what medical decisions should be made, should a sudden medical event occur.
Quevy and John are not pessimists, but they’re aware that sudden events can happen, even to young and healthy people.
As a hospital clinician, Quevy has seen couples and families torn apart and left traumatised not knowing their loved one’s wishes. The experience has opened her eyes and convinced her that no one should have to make these decisions under such stressful circumstances.
Know your partner and be prepared
When put to the test in a compelling video, Quevy and John were able to accurately guess the preferred medical treatment for each other. It revealed a depth of intimacy and understanding shared between the couple who had clearly discussed their values and what matters most to them, when life is limited.
“We both have similar attitudes,” explains John.
“It’s about the quality of life, not the quantity... I wouldn’t want to be living an uncomfortable, unhappy life.”
Quevy and John prove that knowing each other well can sometimes come from the least romantic conversations. They’re now prepared for a life event they hope they will never face.
Having a frank and honest conversation is the first, important step in advance care planning. As a couple, it may be the most important, intimate conversation you ever have.