Key points

  • Talk early so your wishes are known and respected
  • Speak with family, friends, carers and health professionals
  • Keep the conversation going over time
  • Use prompts or stories to help you start

Why these conversations matter

Starting the conversation is the first step to making sure your wishes or someone else’s are known and respected.

If a person's preferences aren’t known, doctors may use treatments they wouldn’t have wanted. Families may feel worried about whether they’re making the right choices.

Thinking about and planning for the future is a normal part of life so don't be afraid to bring it up.

‘If you don’t tell them, how will they know? Love is not enough. Tell them what matters most.’

Love is not enough
Duration: 04:56

>> Diana: My name is Diana and Rui and we are husband and wife. 
>> Anita: My name is Anita and John is my dad. 
>> John (Quevy’s husband): My name is John and I'm Quevy's husband.

[Text on screen] How well do we know our loved ones?

>> Interviewer: So Rui gets to go on a trip of a lifetime, where does he want to go? 
>> Diana: Ha! I'd say Bora Bora. 
>> Rui: I definitely want to go to Bora Bora.

>> Interviewer: What food could Anita not live without? 
>> John (Anita’s Dad): Probably curry? 
>> Anita: Anything Asian. 
>> Quevy: He couldn't live without a lot of food.

>> Interviewer: And what about you, what food could you not live without? 
>> Quevy: Probably fruit in general. 
>> John (Quevy’s husband): Probably chocolate.

>> John (Anita’s Dad): Anita asked me, so what's this about? I said I don't know.

[Text on screen] Love helps us live through tough times

>> Interviewer: If you can think about a moment where you pushed through a hard time together, can you describe that? 
>> John (Anita’s Dad): At school, when she was being bullied, we had to see some counselling. 
>> Anita: Just talking me through it and helping me get through it. Kind words and lots of hugs.

>> John (Quevy’s husband): For me it was probably the time when we were first trying to have our first child I guess.We went through IVF and things like that. 
Becoming parents is something that we all hope would come naturally but it didn't to us initially, and we went through that together.

[Text on screen] Is love enough for life’s toughest decisions?

>> Interviewer: Rui is hurt in a car accident. He needs a breathing tube for the rest of his life, and he'll never speak again. Would you consent to this? 
>> Diana: Um, yeah, I would yeah. 
>> Rui: No I wouldn't, definitely not. I don't think I would want to put anyone with that, so I'd rather not. Yeah.

>> Interviewer: Anita had three months to live. Treatments would give her an extra two months but she'd never see outside of a hospital. Would you consent to treatment? 
>> John (Anita’s Dad): Yes. Two months, you know it's just one day, two months, any time. 
>> Anita: Not at all, no. 
>> John (Anita’s Dad): This is unexpected. 
>> Anita: I don't know, I don't want to be kept in a hospital for forever.

>> Interviewer: John B has had a massive stroke. Does he want a feeding tube to keep him alive even though he'll never talk again? 
>> Quevy: No.It's very important to me to be happy and functional in my life. No I wouldn't want that to happen.

>> Interviewer: Rui is in the last stages of terminal cancer and his heart stopped. Does he want CPR? 
>> Diana: Probably not. 
>> Diana: I don't think he would. No I don't know.

>> Interviewer: So how do you both feel after answering these questions and why? 
>> Diana: You think about it and you talk about it just very light heartedly, but I don't think anyone really puts a lot of thought and serious thought into it.

>> Interviewer: Why do you think that some couples don't talk about this? 
>> John (Quevy’s husband): It's not a pleasant subject. I mean nobody wants to dwell on the fact that they're going to die one day and possibly in adverse or difficult circumstances.

[Text on screen] If you don’t tell them, how will they know?

>> Interviewer: So, if I was to tell you that Advance Care Planning is essentially a conversation to help your loved ones know what medical treatments to choose for you if you had a sudden event, what would you think about it now? 
>> Rui: I think it's a great idea. 
>> Diana: Yeah, absolutely. 
>> Rui: Definitely I have to have a bit more of a talk, not just about the two of us. 
>> Rui: We've got kids. 
>> Diana: Kids and all that kind of stuff, yeah. So there is a bit we need to consider, yeah, 100%.

[Text on screen] Almost 50% of people will be unable to make their own end-of-life decisions. Love is not enough. Tell them what matters most.

End transcript

Talk about your values and preferences

Talk to your family, friends or carer about your values and preferences. A close or loving relationship doesn't always mean someone knows or understands your preferences.

Pick a quiet time and place where you won’t be interrupted. Be patient and take your time. Advance care planning is an ongoing conversation and you don’t need to cover everything at once.

Talk with others about their future care

You might want to support a loved one to think about their future care.

Talking with a loved one about their wishes is helpful even when they're healthy. It's more important if they’re seriously ill or getting older.

Encourage them to speak with their GP, family, friends and carer if they haven’t already.

Most people aren't used to talking about a time when they can't make their own decisions. Give them a chance to think and come back to it later.

Conversation starters

These are a few suggestions about starting the conversation. The words in brackets are where you can add your own thoughts.

About me

  • Being able to [what] is the most important thing to me because [why]
  • I was thinking about what happened to [who] and it made me realise [what]
  • As part of my culture, values, and beliefs [what] is important to me because [why]

About life

  • A good day for me is one where I [what] because [why]
  • What I value and enjoy most in my life is [what] because [why]
  • The most important things on my bucket list are [what]

About health care

  • I would prefer to get my health care at [where] because [why]
  • When [what] happens, I get worried about my health care because [why]
  • I would want these people [who] included in discussions about my health

About choices

  • An unacceptable health outcome for me would be [what] because [why]
  • I wouldn't want [what] treatments if there was little chance of recovery because [why]
  • If I was choosing between quantity and quality of life, I would choose [what] because [why]

You can download a printable version of the conversation starters [PDF 284.34 KB].

Keep the conversation going

People’s goals and values can change over time. Keep checking in and update documents if needed. Advance care planning isn't a one-time chat.

Talking with health professionals

It’s important to share your wishes with health professionals involved in your care.

They'll help you understand your options, explain what might happen in the future, and support the choices that matter to you.

Learn about talking with health professionals

Support and more information

We can guide you through advance care planning, from starting conversations, completing the right documents and storing them safely.

Call our National Advance Care Planning Advisory Service on 1300 208 582

Email us at acpa@advancecareplanning.org.au

We're here from 8 am to 4 pm (AEST), Monday to Friday.

Order a free starter pack

We can post you a free advance care planning information pack or you can download a copy yourself.

Last updated: July 2025

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